Written years ago and then lost after my usual editor passed on it as it wasn’t the usual SCIENCE fiction he likes for his tech heavy readers (though he liked it), I just found it and realized it should work here, after a few changes to give my main character M.S.. I still like it and hope you will, too. Warning: logical end but not my usual happy ending.

----------------------

 

 

 

The Woman Who Wasn't There

by

F. Alexander Brejcha

 

 

 

         White coats and uniforms.  He was sick of them.

         "Think back, Adam."  A deep male voice inserted itself into the surrounding dizzy swirl of lights and colors.

         "We need to know what happened," the voice insisted.  "How she convinced you she was who she said she was."

         He tried to protest.  "She didn't 'convince me of anything.  She's exactly who--"

         "She's not!  Now think back.  Remember!"

         The lights and surrounding faces merged in a blur.

         "The medication's taking effect."  A new voice.  A woman's.  She sounded thoughtful as she added:  "He could be right, you know.  It's biologically possible.  And it makes sense."

         The words merged into a blur of nonsense sounds as the male voice probed...

#

         "...beep...  Hi Adam, recognize my voice?"

         He wished he did as he turned up the volume on the answering machine.  It was a soft, caressing contralto with just a hint of an exotic accent.

         "I know it's been a long time, honey, but I finally tracked you down and just had to call."  She chuckled.  "Oh, it's Tina, in case you don't recognize me on this machine.  Tina Chen.  I'm on the go right now, but I'll be in your neighborhood this afternoon.  I really want to see you again."  A momentary silence, and then, shyly.

         "I really missed you, honey!"

         Beep.

         A cold and robotic female voice declared:  "Saturday, six, twenty, nine p.m."

         "Yo!  Major babe voice," Stuart teased as he put his briefcase on the coffee table and sat on the arm of the couch.

         "Seriously, Adam.  She's got a hell of a sexy voice.  All the times you've talked about her, I've always wondered.  But that's her, huh?"

         Adam nodded as he looked helplessly back and forth from the machine to his friend.

         With a hissing creak of leather, Stuart slid from the arm down onto the couch itself.  "I guess she decided to come back, huh?  I remember you telling me she went back to China.  That was what?  Ten years ago?"

         Adam nodded weakly and grabbed his walker for support as he  headed for the couch.  "Thirteen... Before my M.S. diagnosis. She helped me get hand controls for my car. Look, I've got to take care of some stuff I forgot about.  Can we pass on today's lesson?  Maybe finish up some evening since you're busy tomorrow?  Except for a few of the macros you'll need, you've got the program pretty well mastered. I’ll e-mail you some more tips."

         Stuart shrugged.  "Sure.  I can see where you might want to be alone."  He winked and got up to grab his briefcase.  "See you at the office Monday... if you have the energy to come in."

         Adam waved absently as Stuart left.

         The phone rang as the door closed.

         He snatched the cordless receiver from the its wall mount and hit the answer key before his machine could pick up.

         "Hi Adam."  It was Tina's sultry voice again.  "Now that you're alone, I figured we could talk.  I wanted to give you a chance to get used to the idea of my return."

         "Your return?"  He let go of the walker and sank onto the couch, breathing deep of that new leather smell.  It was something real to hang on to.  "You don't exist!"  His eyes shot around the living room.  "And how did you know I was alone?"

         "One thing at a time."  She laughed, a delicious bubbling that made him press the phone tightly to his ear.  "I'll be there in about fifteen minutes, then we can talk in person.  So much nicer.  Bye, honey.  See you in a bit.

         Dial-tone.

         He held the phone in front of him and stared at it.  This was impossible!  She wasn't real... well, in many ways, she was.  She had been with him for years.  Bragged about, dreamed about.  He remembered his carefully crafted dream; so fleshed out and detailed in thought and personality that, at times, she was as real a memory as the one and only relationship he had actually had.  Only better.  She had not deserted him.  Circumstances beyond her control had torn her out of his life.

         He had made sure of that.

         The phone in his hand clicked and began emitting a strident wail of warning that almost made him drop it.  He hit the start button again to hang up.

         When had she said she was going to come?  Fifteen minutes.  When had that been?  How long had he stared at the humming phone, thinking about her?  Two minutes?  He glanced up at the glowing green numbers on the VCR clock across the room.  06:39 p.m.  Thirteen more minutes?

         He looked around.  The apartment didn't look too bad.  The surrounding bookcases filled with everything from Aristotle to Asimov in the A's, and so on up the alphabet, were freshly dusted and lined up, and his housekeeper had vacuumed the day before.  His several hundred videotapes were all safely stowed under his rack of classical and jazz CD's, and his plants were all watered.  There were only a few dirty dishes in the sink to take care of.  He had not had time to do them before a morning meeting with Stuart at the office.  Those, and some scattered papers on the coffee table that needed quick sorting and straightening, but otherwise everything was as spotlessly neat as always.

         He leaned forward and lined up the papers, and then went to the kitchen to wash up the previous night's late dinner dishes.  They were minimal since microwave meals didn't generate much in the way of dirty dishes.  And from breakfast, there was only a dirty cup and a crumb-dotted plate from a rushed meal of microwaved orange spice tea with honey and a toasted, slightly stale blueberry bagel with cream cheese, topped with raisins that had sat too long and had started petrifying.

         He was getting hungry again.  The microwave clock showed 34 seconds remaining so he hit CLEAR to see that it was 6:45 p.m.  Time to get a new battery for his watch!

         Feeling self-conscious, he rushed to the bathroom to brush his teeth.  Then a quick run-through with a hairbrush and he was ready.  Except for a growing, nauseous feeling that had begun as a fluttering in his stomach when he had hung up the phone.

         For a moment he stared into the mirror, confused.  He was a nobody.  Bland, brown hair and neutral grey-blue eyes stared back at him.  No distinguishing features of any kind.  Except for being very short, he was so nondescript that he could probably walk into a bank and rob it, undisguised, and then walk right past a dozen witnesses the next day without being recognized.

         A nobody.  About to meet someone who didn't exist.

         06:51 p.m.  A glowing emerald zero transformed seamlessly into a one as he reentered the living room and glanced back up at the VCR.

         The doorbell.

         He jerked and stared at the door.  Tina?

         Who was really there?

         It rang again and he felt himself move to open it.  It was almost as if he had stepped back and was watching someone else in action.

         He opened the door -- and there she stood.  Just like his dreams.  Silhouetted by the late morning sun, her long, raven hair glistened, and her face was a mysterious framework of shadows.  A dry scent teased his nose... Tea Rose.  He recognized the perfume.  Just what he had imagined she would wear.  After a long moment, he heard her chuckle huskily.

         "Well, honey, aren't you going to invite me in?  It's been a long time.  Aren't you happy to see me?"  She moved towards him and he backed up.

         "You're not real," he protested.

         She moved his walker and soft hands cupped his face and velvet-smooth, warm lips reached up to touch his in a gentle kiss that made him dizzy.

         "Not real, huh?"

         They were in the hall under the light, and he stared at her.  She was exactly as he remembered... had envisioned her.  Creamy skin that begged to be touched, stroked and held; perfect lips he could still taste and lightly tilted almond-shaped eyes enhanced by minimal and subtle make-up.  Soft charcoal gray pools that were full of humor.

         She moved close, her body hot against his.  Her hands rested on his shoulders as she leaned back slightly and looked up at him.  She was just a little shorter.  Since he was only five foot six, he always felt uncomfortably small around most women -- but she was just the right size.

         She smiled a little crooked smile that lit up her face.

         "I bet this seems weird.  Like a dream.  By now, I probably seem a little unreal."

         "A little unreal?  I..."  He almost couldn't admit it, even to her.  Almost.  "You aren't real... you can't be!  I made you up twelve years ago."

         She laughed, one hand covering her mouth.  "Oh... I, that's rich!  You made me up?"  Her arms wrapped around him and she pulled close, her hips thrusting forward to burn him.

         Her breath was hot in his ear as she whispered, "Do I feel 'made up?'"

         "No!"  He closed his eyes, feeling dizzy.  He was unable to resist hugging her back.  For several minutes he just stood there, holding, being held; his heart pounding.  He couldn't believe how incredibly good she felt in his arms.  And somehow familiar.  Her hair tickled his nose and he breathed in its fresh, clean scent.

         A hiss in his ear.  "The accident!  Oh, God, I forgot!"  She relaxed her grip and leaned back.  "I heard about the accident the year after I left.  A friend of mine wrote to tell me about it.  She saw the piece in the paper."  Her face flashed from upset to concerned.  "Maybe you really don't remember?"

         "But it wasn't that bad..."  He shook his head, trying to think back.  His car had run off the road because of... the exact details were a little fuzzy... and he had spent a week in the hospital with... internal injuries and a couple of broken bones...?  Probably what had triggered the M.S. – he had heard physical trauma could bring it on sometimes. But there had been no brain injury involved.  He had not been struck by amnesia...  Not really... or had he?

         "What do you remember about us?"  Her voice was full of concern and he led her over to the couch, holding on to her and the walker, unwilling to let go of Tina.

         As they sat down, she curled up next to him and leaned in intimately.  He found himself repeating all the stories he had told over the years to build up the image of an exotic, beautiful girlfriend who had been his; of how they had supposedly met in the university library after he had knocked her down in his rush to get to the computer center to check out a new utility program they had just bought.  He went on to explain his stories of how their flustered meeting had led to an awkward and blushing request for a date.  A date that had led to more and more time together until he had been trying to work up the nerve to make the relationship more permanent.

         He detailed the lies he had crafted describing her family life and psychology studies, their developing romance and finally, the tragic air crash in China that had taken the lives of her father and brother.  An accident that had forced her to go back home to take care of her mother at a time when he had not been able to leave graduate school and uproot his life.  It had all led to a sad parting, and wistful acknowledgement of what might have been, but was not to be.

         And had not been.

         Or had it?

         NO!  He had made it all up to have something to tell everyone who kidded him for not being more aggressive in trying to meet other women.  Go ahead, make fun of him for being alone, he had been able to say.  It wasn't that he was shy, or scared.  No.  It was that he had had this wonderful woman in his life in the past.  Was it any wonder he was taking his time in finding someone else?

         It had become so second nature to tell the stories that he had almost started to believe them himself.

         But what if...?

         Suddenly he didn't know what to believe.

         Tina brushed his hair back and stroked his cheek lightly.

         "You poor dear.  You've got it all right except for the bit about it all being a fantasy.  That accident must have given you amnesia, and as you started to remember me, you thought it was all imaginary!"

         Imaginary?  Real?  She was real?

         God, was she real!  He pulled her close and held her, relishing the feel of her warm body...

#

         Words floating in space... a woman's voice again...

         "As I said, it makes sense now:  the stories abductees keep telling of tissue samples, examinations and missing foetuses."

         "He's waking up," the man's voice from before warned.

         He realized he was lying down, surrounded by bright lights again.  He tasted his dry mouth and tried to work up some saliva as he winced from a blinding headache.  Groaning, he blinked and looked up.  He was on a hospital bed in a sterile, medical office-looking room.  A fiftyish man in a uniform was next him on the right, sitting rigidly erect on a back-less stool.  He had short grey, crew-cut hair and was clean-shaven and fit.  He looked like the perfect soldier. A General.  A single star graced each of his epaulets.  The name Embrau was engraved on the metal bar on his chest.

         Behind, and to his left, he saw a woman in a white lab coat standing, monitoring an instrument panel mounted on the wall.  She was in her sixties, athletic-looking, and with long, grey hair pulled back in a tight bun, over her black horn-rimmed glasses.  The combination made her look very forbidding.

         Until she smiled.

         Dr. Abernathy.  Now he remembered them both, and why he was here.  He was a prisoner.  For a moment, it had all been a blank.  He had been overwhelmed by his memories of reuniting with Tina.

         "Hi Adam."  Smiling, Abernathy was actually quite pretty, in a severe way.  She leaned down and, with a quick flash of an ophthalmoscope, checked his eyes.  "Are you okay?  How much do you remember?"

         Her concern seemed real and he relaxed.  "About Tina and me?" he asked.  Abernathy nodded.  "Everything, of course.  Well, the few things that I didn't, Tina helped me fill in the blanks."

         Embrau was shaking his head.  "Remarkable.  He honestly believes it."

         Abernathy looked over at the general.  "It's not surprising.  We already know they can influence thoughts.  If they sensed what he wanted and supplied it, it wouldn't take much to reinforce their lies--"

         "What the hell are you two talking about?"  Adam sat up and grabbed Abernathy's arm to turn her to face him.  "Don't sit there talking about Tina like she's some kind of creature from outer space or something."

         Like flipping a switch, something changed in the General's face.  There was no real change in the genial expression, but suddenly it seemed forced.  The warmth behind it had vanished.

         "Funny you should put it that way."

         The implications chilled him, and Adam started to rip off the various leads attached to his body and head and, without warning, the door flew open and an armed marine appeared from out of nowhere.

         Embrau waved him back.  "Relax.  Everything's fine."

         The marine withdrew as an iron grip on Adam's shoulder forced him back down onto the exam table, and he saw that even the artificial smile on Embrau's face was gone, and he moved the walker away.

         "Don't even try it!  We've been lenient because you were duped by experts.  But you're still a prisoner.  Don't forget that.  You may be a civilian, but you're on a military contract and we're not talking petty civil charges here."

         Adam swallowed, angry about the way they were talking about Tina.  She had been right after all.  There was a cover-up going on.  They didn't want him to know what he had seen... but why were they talking openly like this with him in the room?  Even if they were wrong, they were admitting there was something going on.

         Of course -- he remembered the forbidding papers he had signed -- if he mentioned this to anyone, he would be... just in the situation he was now, or worse.

         Embrau had him by the balls.  He could easily be locked away from daylight for the rest of his life if he made too much trouble.

         He tried to sound reasonable.

         "If I understand right, you think Tina is an alien?"

         Embrau nodded.  "Outside this room I'd laugh at you, but yes.  She made you believe she was someone you knew before and then conned you into tapping into confidential government files.  Files you had partial access to as a security-cleared Defense Department data processing coordinator."

         Adam snorted.  “Not hardly!"  They were crazy!  "She didn't talk me into anything.  It was all my idea.  And your fault.  Apparently you don't all talk to each other.  Look in your files from about twelve years ago and see if you find anything about me, and a UFO sighting near Lancaster, Pennsylvania.  All I was doing was trying to find out more about that."

         It was Embrau's turn to look confused and Adam went on to tell him what Tina and he had uncovered...

#

         "What do you remember about the accident?"  Tina twisted in his lap to look up at him.

         He brushed away a few hairs draping her face.  "Not much, actually," he admitted.  "I was on my way to Lancaster to visit a high school classmate I had lost touch with."  He closed his eyes, trying to remember.  It had been years since he had even thought about it.

         “It was raining, I remember that.  I was on Route 23 and... the engine was over-heating..."  There was something else there, too... but he couldn't quite place it.

         He gave up for a moment and looked down at Tina lying there, her head cradled below him.  She wore that cute, quirky little smile again, and he couldn't resist an impulse to bend down and kiss her; a kiss that was hungrily returned.

         "It's about time," she teased when he came up for air.  Then she was suddenly serious.  "God, I missed that."  She reached up a hand to touch his face, her fore-finger tracing his lips with a feathery touch.  "And I missed you."

         He tensed, and she put her fingers on his mouth to silence him.

         "Relax, honey.  Don't worry about not remembering everything.  We'll bring it back together."  She smiled shyly.  "It might be even more fun the second time around.  Almost like starting out fresh.  Now relax!"  For a brief moment, she looked at him sternly, demanding.  Just for a moment.

         She reached up both hands to touch his temples lightly.

         "You already remember a lot about us, you just lost touch with the reality of it.  Now, think back to that supposed accident.  You had slowed down because of the engine temp...  now think!  What else do you remember?  Close your eyes, honey, and relax... think back..."

         Her voice was soft and soothing, in time with her gentle massage.  He closed his eyes happily, thinking back... she was right.  Everything seemed much clearer.

         "I'm driving along... about thirty miles an hour... there's no real shoulder on this stretch and I'm looking for a place to pull over... I hear this whirring sound.  It's sort of like..." he tried to think what it reminded him of, "...spinning a length of garden hose overhead.  A little like a helicopter, but not as loud.  I'm looking up and around to try to see where it's coming from..."  In his mind, he looked out past the rhythmic stroking of the windshield wipers.  Condensation struggled with the defroster on full blast but, yes...  There:  a craft of some kind.  It was coming from behind and to the left and passing right over him.  Not really a flying saucer, it was more complex..."

         He had a sudden splitting headache and a flash of white-suited figures that blotted out the vision on the road.  He opened his eyes, alarmed.

         "It's gone!  For a moment, I had this clear image of some kind of flying shape, but I..."  It had been teasingly close, but he couldn't grasp it anymore.  He just remembered that he had seen something, clearly.  He looked down at Tina, suddenly frightened.

         "No.  It's gone."

         "Did you remember anything else?"

         He explained about the flash of white-coated figures.  "They must be the doctors in the hospital.  I was in there for a week after the accident--"

         "What accident?  Exactly what happened."

         "The one... the one they said I had.  I must have run off the road because I was looking up and around instead of ahead."

         "Do you remember it?  At all?"

         "Well, no, but they told me I had had one."

         "What about your car?"

         "They fixed it while I was in the hospital."

         "Who are 'they'?" she pressed.

         "I..."  Who were 'they'?  He couldn't remember.  "I don't know!"  He felt his fists clench with frustration.

         Tina sat up resolutely after giving him yet another quick kiss.

         "They brainwashed you, honey."

         "My turn."  He grinned.  "Who are 'they'?"

         "The Government.  You saw something major out there on the road and, knowing you, you did your civic duty and called the authorities to report the sighting.  But I'll just bet that those same authorities didn't want you to go spreading rumors about little green men from Mars--"

         "So they brainwashed me?  Made me forget?  Why?"

         Tina shrugged.  "I don't know.  Maybe they want to keep the public from panicking?  I swear they know a lot more than they're releasing..."

#

         Embrau was staring at him with wide-open eyes and shaking his head.

         "Nothing like that ever happened anywhere near Lancaster.  I've been coordinating all sightings for years and there have been none like that."

         'Coordinating all sightings...'?  Adam forced himself to keep a straight face.  Tina had been right.  They were covering up.  Tina!  Where was she?  He had been so drugged out since they had brought him here, he had not thought about what might be happening with her.

         "Where's Tina?"

         Embrau leaned forward.  "I was wondering when you'd get around to asking about her."

         "Well?"

         "That should be my question.  There is no Tina Chen.  We've gone over every element of your story and tried to find her.  We've checked the enrollment records from your Graduate school, and there was no Tina Chen enrolled.  We've checked Immigration, Social Security, and every database imaginable, including some you've never heard of, and there is no Tina Chen answering your description of her history and movements anywhere in the world.  This world."

         Embrau was telling the truth.  Something in his eyes, face, posture -- Adam didn't know what -- screamed "TRUTH".

         But, Tina... not real?  NO!  He had held her, kissed her -- made love with her!  She was as real as he was.

         "He doesn't know."  Abernathy's voice came from behind, startling him.  She was examining a strip of paper curling from a machine mounted on the wall.

         Adam felt sick as he was suddenly reminded of all the leads hooked up to him.  He was strapped into some super lie detector!  He lay back and closed his eyes, suddenly feeling weak.

         Too late to react, he felt a cold alcohol swab on his skin and a sharp, quick stab of pain.  He looked up to see Embrau nod resolutely.

         "Well, I guess that brings us back to why you took it on yourself to penetrate classified defense department computer records."

         It must have been an arterial stick, because the room was already spinning as Embrau moved his chair closer and leaned forward...

#     

                  "It's the only answer," Adam admitted to Tina.  "You're right.  They must have brainwashed me.  I never got a good explanation for what happened to the car, what repairs it needed, or who did it.  Just that it had been taken care of.  I was just grateful that it had been fixed.  I just never thought about it again.  I must have forgotten all about it, to be honest."

         "With help, I'll bet!"  Tina took a sip from the glass of soda she had poured herself.  "You've forgotten an awful lot of what happened that week, haven't you?"

         "Yeah!"  He tensed and leaned forward.  "I haven't thought about it, but now that I do, I can't remember anything!  I think I was operating on auto-pilot the first few weeks after I got out of the hospital--"

         "Or on post-hypnotic suggestions."

         He didn't say anything for a moment, but finally nodded.

         "It makes a certain warped sense.  They pick me up at the side of the road, pump me for every scrap of information possible, then drug me carefully and erase all of it and replace it with appropriate memories of an accident and a hospital recovery."

         "Except they screwed it up."

         "Uh huh.  Not only didn't the false memories take very well, but they wiped out some of our relationship in the process."

         "You're right!"  Tina grabbed his arm and squeezed it.  "It all fits.  Can you remember any more now?"

         He closed his eyes and tried till his head hurt, but he couldn't dredge up anything else.  He shook his head.

         "Sorry, no."  A growing anger had been building in him, though, and he slammed his fist down on the coffee table and straightened.  "And damn it!  I want to know more!"

         "But how?"

         "Work."

         Tina shrugged, confused.  "What do you mean?"

         "I'm coordinating an upgrade of the defense department computer systems.  They're tied into all branches of--"

         Tina's eyes were wide.  "Including the Air Force?  You mean...?"

         He nodded.  Damn right.  I might not have all the clearances and passwords, but I've been on this contract for two years now, and I know enough of the people and programmers involved that I can find enough back doors to get in past a lot of the password barriers."

         "On Monday..."  Tina's voice had changed.  It was lower, softer, almost urgent.

         He turned to see her looking at him with her head cocked speculatively.

         "We don't have to worry about computers and passwords now, do we?"  She moved closer.  "We have a whole weekend to catch up first. I know about your M.S. problems, but I’m sure we can have fun working around them. I’ve missed you and we have a whole weekend,” she repeated suggestively, leaning forward.

         His mouth was dry and he nodded.  "We do, don't we?"

         "Yes."  She smiled shyly and then her tongue crept out to moisten her lips as her hands reached out...

#

         "Mata Hari could have learned from this one!"  Embrau's voice was reluctantly admiring.

         Adam shook his head, trying to clear it as his eyes slowly focused again.  A glass of water was hanging in front of him... in Abernathy's hand.  He took it and drank gratefully.

         Embrau sat up straight again.

         "Well, I think we know pretty well what happened now.  With one exception."  His eyes narrowed accusingly.  "Why you tapped into satellite surveillance data and D.O.D. records.  Things that have nothing to do with flying saucer sightings.  I don't understand why.  You didn't try to download anything or make hard-copy.  You just scanned it visually.  Why?  What were you looking for?"

         Adam had been listening, getting more and more confused.

         "What are you talking about?  All I did was try to tap into Air Force records on UFO sightings.  But I couldn't find any--"

         "You don't remember what you looked at?"

         "No!"

         "He's telling the truth," Abernathy confirmed.

         Adam concentrated, growing more and more alarmed as he realized that he really didn't remember anything.  Just as he couldn't recall any details about that week after his supposed accident, he couldn't remember what he had done just three days earlier.  He had a vague memory of signing in and passing the various security check points, but then everything got hazy until he had found himself locked up in a security cell.

         He shrugged and explained to Embrau, who nodded and got up to pace around for a moment.  He turned to Abernathy.

         "Kathy, could they have used him--"

         "As a probe of some sort?" she finished.  "Possible.  We don't know how extensive their telepathic powers are.  There are sighting reports that indicate that they can control people to a degree.  Make them think they are seeing something other than what is actually there."

         Embrau scratched his chin  "So it's possible he wasn't aware of what he was doing, and they were just using him to look at our files?"

         Abernathy nodded.  "Very possible.  From his reactions, I'd say probable.  Like I said, he was telling the truth when he said he doesn't remember what he actually did."

         Adam loooked back and forth, irritated by the way they were ignoring him, but scared by what the implications of what they were saying.

         Embrau went over to the window and jerked the shade to let it snap up to reveal the heavy metal mesh outside it; a mesh that slashed apart the streaming sunshine suddenly pouring in.  For a moment he stood staring out at the greenness outside that Adam could only glimpse.  Then Embrau turned.

         "Okay, Adam.  So you didn't know.  We've swept your house from top to bottom and found nothing, and Tina Chen, whoever, whatever she is, is gone, nowhere to be found.  They've sucked you dry, and since you got caught, you're no more use to them."

         He looked out again, thinking for a moment before turning back to Adam.

         "You realize we can't let you continue in your present job, don't you?"

         Adam sat up with Abernathy's help while she started removing the leads from his bare chest, arms and head.  As she gently swabbed off the dried glue and Embrau's words sank in, the fear that had been building, eased.

         "You're going to let me go?"

         "Well," Embrau shrugged.  "Contrary to popular beliefs, the United States government doesn't run around brainwashing its citizens."  He glared at Adam.  "But I don't think I need to remind you that the confidentiality documents you signed when you were hired are still in effect, and if you breathe a word of any of what's happened, we can lock you away in a deep, dark hole for a long time!"

         "You're going to let me go?"  He was repeating himself, but he still couldn't believe it.

         "Yes."  Embrau frowned.  "It's too late to undo the damage now.  God knows how much they got before we caught you, and what they plan to use it for.  But it's done with.  I'll have a driver take you home.  We'll contact you about setting you up in another, less sensitive job.  You needn't worry about your future employment.  Call it our way of keeping you indebted to us--"

         "And keeping an eye on me?" Adam interrupted cynically.

         "True.  But consider the alternative.  Charged with espionage, I doubt your life would be as comfortable."

         "But charges could mean publicity."

         "Possibly," Embrau conceded.  "Let's just say this is the path of least resistance and let it go at that."

         Adam sighed and buttoned up his shirt.  "Fine.  Let's just call it over and done with."  He slipped on his jacket and draped the tie loosely across his shoulders.  The hell with it.  He was taking a couple of days off!

         He turned to Abernathy.  "It hasn't been a pleasure."

         She winced.  "I am sorry.  If it makes any difference.  I didn't have much say in the matter, you know."

         "Fine."  He looked at Embrau.  Where's my ride?  I want to get home.  I've got some rhododendron to water."

         The general went to the door.  "Follow me."

#

         Adam closed the front door to his house firmly and turned the lock with a sigh.  It was hot and muggy, and the house smelled musty after three days of being sealed shut in the summer heat.  He hoped his geraniums and hibiscus had not dried up while he had been gone.  He headed for the thermostat to turn on the airconditioning but froze as he entered the living room and heard the humming of the compressor already kicking in.

         Sitting on the couch, curled up and smiling, was Tina.

         "Welcome home, honey.  I just turned on the air.  It was awfully muggy in here."

         He just stared in disbelief.

         "Who the hell are you?"

         She got up slowly and moved towards him as he backed away.

         "It's me:  Tina.  Is that any kind of a greeting for the woman you love?"

         "Yes!  Considering I just spent three days in jail because of you.  I don't know if you are what they said you are..."  He looked around, suddenly alarmed.  "They've probably got this place bugged!  They wouldn't have let me go that easily if they hadn't planned on keeping me under surveillance."

         "You do care, after all."  She smiled gently.

         Strangely enough, he did.  His head was spinning as he tried to get his bearings.  Tina touched his arm.

         "Relax.  I've neutralized all the microphones, and the two men in the van across the street are sleeping peacefully for a while.  When they wake up, they'll just think they got bored and dozed off.  The tape on their recorders will just be full of silence."

         "So you are..."  He swallowed.  "Are you--"

         "An alien?" she teased.

         He nodded.

         "Guilty."  She put her hands to her forehead and wiggled her fingers.  "Would you prefer antennae?"  She dropped her hands and pouted sadly.  "Sorry.  Don't have them."  She grinned.  "Actually, I'm as human as you are."  She moved closer and Adam suddenly realized his back was to the wall, literally.

         "Am I that horrible?" she asked softly as she stroked his face.  "What about our weekend?"  She smiled that little crooked smile again.  "You didn't get much done, did you?  Of the work you brought home, that is.  Was it so bad?"  She stretched luxuriously.  "I rather enjoyed it," she drawled, throwing him that little smile again that was so devastating. “We got around your so-called problems pretty well.”

         He remembered and suddenly found himself holding her again as he mumbled a muffled "yes" into her hair.  Then, after a bit, he released her as he realized what she had said a moment earlier.

         "Wait a minute!  If you're as human as I am... and you're an alien..."

         "Go on."  She leaned back, serious.

         "Then I'm an alien?"  Ridiculous as it was, it was the only logical answer.

         "Bingo!"  Tina giggled.  "Actually," she amended, serious again.  "Not entirely.  Biologically, we're mostly human. “Your M.S. should prove that.” You weren't reclaimed like I was, but we're the same.  A fusion of our life forms.  Our mothers were impregnated onboard a starship shuttle and returned to Earth.  Then, once the foetus had developed sufficiently for reclamation, my mother was picked up to remove me, and I was raised at home.  You were left here to be born and raised naturally."

         "Why?"  She didn't say anything and he thought about it.  Tina rested her head on his shoulder while he did and he felt his arms tighten around her.  He couldn't help it.  Ever since they had met, he had felt connected to her somehow...  Connected!

         He looked down.  "We're linked somehow... you were with me when I was... spying, on the files.  You made me do it," he accused.  He felt her nod.  "How long have you been linked to me?"

         "From time to time, all your life.  We share some genetic material and were meant to be a unit.  That's why we have such a strong mental link.  You can't feel it yet because you haven't been trained, but I'll work with you."

         "I've been bred as a sleeper agent!"  He pushed Tina away as he realized how he had been used.  "How about my work, my school?  Was all that planned out of time, too?  Given a little mental push?"

         "Well, yes.  But it was necessary.  She looked hurt by his sudden hostility.  "Our world is slowly dying."

         "So why all this cloak and dagger stuff?  Are you planning to come in here to take over, or what?"

         Her eyes were suddenly moist.  "I don't know.  I'm just doing what I've been told.  When you were scanning the records, I was passing everything on, so we could learn more about Earth.  We're just trying to learn.  I don't know just how we're going to contact people.  You and I are just here to help.  But since you've been caught, it's over.  You can come home and we can be together.  Just like you always dreamed we would be.

         She grasped his lapels and looked urgently up at him.  "We're meant to be together.  On one level, you've been aware of me for years.  Maybe your fantasy wasn't a real memory, after all, but it wasn't all a dream, either.  You knew just how I looked and how I thought, and I've always felt it and been with you in some of your dreams.  Day and night, whenever I was near, I've been with you, waiting for this moment."

         He kept her at an arm's length, getting more and more angry as he realized that he had been manipulated all his life.

         "But I don't really know you, or your people!  Your people.  And how do I know this isn't some prelude to an invasion?  You said yourself that you didn't even know what was being done with the information you made me get."

         She wasn't listening.

         "Adam!  You don't understand.  We can go home.  Get away from here and be together, just like you've always dreamed."  She tried to reach for him again, but he shoved her away again.  Hard.

         "No, Tina.  You don't understand.  I am home!"  He felt like crying.  "Now get out of here before Embrau's watchdogs wake up."

         Tina looked like she had been slapped.  She must have felt the rejection in his mind and she backed off, eyes moist.

         He couldn't look at her and leaned his head back against the wall, staring at the ceiling until he heard her suddenly ragged breathing vanish and sound of the front door closing.  In one corner, he saw a small metal chunk, no bigger than a coat button:  the twisted and fused remains of one of Embrau's microphones.

         He wondered where Tina would go.  What she would do.

         He wondered how many others like him there were around the world, who had not been caught.  How much information had they managed to obtain?

         He bent his head and breathed deep of the lingering scent of her perfume on his shirt where her face had rested.

         Better to pretend she had never been there...

         But he wondered what their plans were...  Who were her people, really... and what did they want?

 

                                                  - end -