(This is part of the Brejcha Personal and Disability Resource Site, and after reading this page you can Click here for a Menu . But for now, Welcome to a reprint of my short story "Examination":

This story first appeared in the November, 1990 issue of Analog Science Fiction & Science Fact, and is a prequel to "Why?" (Mid-December, 1989) and "I'll Show You Mine If..." (April, 1991). However, the story stands on its own, and was prompted by an observation that aliens might do well to learn about us by observing how our society treats those who are different -- such as individuals with disabilities. I drew shamelessly from myself for the main character in terms of disability and occupation in order to educate the alien, and hopefully readers, about why disabilities do not mean inabilities. I only hope I turn out as successful as my character. I am posting this here because after the story was published, I received three letters forwarded from Analog from doctors in Canada, New York, and California who asked permission to copy the story for their patients -- they are neurologists specializing in M.S.. I naturally wrote back to tell them to feel free. But as I assembled this web site, I thought that if they felt the story would help their patients, perhaps it could help inspire others, too. So here it is...

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Examination

All Tiok could hear was incomprehensible nonsense. He opened his eyes. Or tried to. Only two of them opened. He was partially blind! Then the unease that nibbled at his mind almost turned to panic as his head turned without him meaning to and he saw that he was lying down! He was reclining on a soft surface, staring across a small chamber at an impossibly narrow manual door. But that was wrong. His head was in the wrong place. Fighting to keep calm, he tried to get up; but couldn't move!

The world went black and a mechanical voice echoed in his mind, integration sequence error: parameter mismatch. Abort or retry?

Retry, and override mismatched parameters cross-check, a teasingly familiar voice responded.

Why the mismatch? We have already established the parameters for the species, another unseen speaker wondered.

Again, he felt he should have recognized the voice, but he couldn't.

Examine the parameters of the subject, and compare it to the species baseline, the first voice responded. This subject is--

The voices were suddenly cut off and Tiok found himself staring up at a glaringly bright ceiling. The air was incredibly clear. A harsh burning light flooded the room around him and peculiar visual sensations warred with each other. The nonsense sounds were repeated again. The world spun as his head turned and he found himself looking back towards the strange doorway, now open.

He stared at the strange creature that was entering the room. A biped. An intelligent biped, he realized as he saw the scraps of material that covered the... person.

He cringed as he saw the head perched all the way on top of the towering figure. It had a large round head with two small and close-set eyes, a strange protruding growth in the middle of its face, and a strangely normal-looking mouth -- on its head of all places! It also had a long mane of dark fur... hair, that hung down in back. He heard, and felt himself respond with more nonsense words and realized he was sharing the body of one of the creatures. No wonder he had thought his head was placed wrong.

All at once the world seemed to shiver and the mechanical voice he had heard before intruded again. "Integration complete."

There was something he should have remembered, Tiok realized. But as the world around him settled down, and unfamiliar tactile sensations flooded him, he forgot about it. He looked around the alien's room curiously. He was integrated with the body of Derek Palmer; he pulled the name out of his host's mind. He was a male (that was a relief) and he shared a dwelling with the bizarre ("beautiful", Derek's mind subconsciously objected) female who had awakened him: his "wife" Pamela. They were a mated pair, Tiok realized. Excellent. They would be good subjects to study. He could observe mating habits and, from his host's mind, extract memories of courtship rituals.

But, for now, he would be careful not to disturb Derek and simply act as a passive observer. He relaxed as he started to recall details about this world and its inhabitants.

As Derek's head turned, he saw a strange wheeled object resting next to the bed. "A wheelchair", his host's mind supplied subconsciously. Tiok was confused and carefully scanned associated surface memories. His host was defective, he realized immediately... "handicapped", he corrected himself as a subconscious objection was raised from Derek's mind. Automatic thoughts following that protested that his host was not disabled, because I am perfectly able except for the limitations of my multiple sclerosis (a degenerative neurological condition, he realized), but handicapped, because it's harder for me to do what I want. The automatic extension of the thought was angry; a denial of being looked on as inferior.

He realized his own initial reaction had been just that. As he absorbed the concept he was shaken. He had never considered the idea of being... impaired, in any way physically. His own species had conquered all physical illnesses a long time ago, and accidental injuries were easily handled with new body parts being grown on demand.

Apparently oblivious to the mental invasion, Derek pulled himself upright by grabbing a handle that hung down from a rod overhead,and then, with a free hand, shifted his legs off the bed. Then he reached over and pulled the wheelchair closer, transferring onto it with practiced ease.

Tiok fought a sudden surge of panic as Derek settled into the chair. It was so fragile looking! He had to fight to remember that this world's gravity was only half that of his home-world. He concentrated on Derek instead.

His host was cursing as his legs involuntarily stiffened in a strong spasm and stretched out; stimulated by the transfer. Tiok felt Derek deliberately try to relax, and gradually the legs dropped and hung limply as before so Derek could lift them onto foot pedals that snapped onto the chair.

"Forgot my medicine, again," he heard Derek mumble. He could understand the words now as the human reached for a small container and downed a tiny round tablet with a sip of water from a glass on a table next to the bed. Tiok shared a brief, bitter taste.

The female, Pamela, reentered the room.

As she reached Derek, Tiok studied her nervously. He couldn't imagine walking around on only two legs, with a head -- and a braincase, he realized -- so vulnerably placed. He would be terrified about tripping and falling down. But then, in such a low gravity environment as this planet, it might not be so dangerous.

Pamela, oblivious to the hidden inspection, finished putting on a light-colored jacket and then reached out to briefly link hands with Derek. "Good, you're up. I forgot to tell you, I won't be home for lunch. I'm going to be in court all day and we're just going to grab a bite in the cafeteria."

Derek extended his lower lip as he looked down, and Tiok sensed amusement, realizing Derek was pretending.

"Ah, honey, don't pout so!" Pamela giggled. "I'll miss you, too. I'll think of you when I'm giving my closing arguments."

"You're ready to close?"

"Almost. Defense called their last witnesses yesterday. I passed on cross-examining and just reserved the right to recall the witnesses. It'll make a stronger impression that way when I recall and tear all four apart, one by one."

Her lips pulled back to reveal gleaming teeth and Tiok recoiled until he realized that despite the vicious words, the baring of teeth was not an attack signal in this case. At least not entirely. And from Derek's mind he drew reassurance that Pamela was not speaking literally when she talked about dismembering other natives. He was having a hard time grasping what she was talking about, but gathered it had something to do with a violation of local regulations. He couldn't help but wonder why enforcement seemed to be so difficult. To provide more employment, perhaps?

"This is one case where justice will prevail," Pam went on, oblivious to Tiok's confusion. "But I think even Matthews is glad he's going to lose. He's put up a good fight, but his client killed three people!" Her voice was rising and a faint flush crept over her face.

Derek reached up and cradled her cheek with his one hand, stroking her face with his thumb. "My wife, the fire-brand lawyer. Go get 'em! I'll dedicate the next chapter of 'Sirius Dawn' to you--"

"You're already dedicating the whole book to me, silly!" Pam interrupted. "Just like the last two." She turned her face and pressed her lips against Derek's palm. "But thanks for the thought, sweetheart."

"So I'll start a new book and dedicate that to you, too." Derek shrugged.

Tiok was stunned by the strength of emotion he felt in Derek's mind. It was such a total contrast with the casual words. Then he recoiled as Pamela leaned down to press her lips against Derek's, forcing them open. Their tongues seemed to battle a moment, and then the pressure was gone and Tiok was left as confused as Derek seemed to be exhilarated. As he recovered, he realized it was part of the mating ritual -- a kiss -- and settled back expectantly to study the remainder. He was having a difficult time accessing Derek's memories for some reason. Unless Derek was directly thinking about something, the thought-stream was often too turbulent to retrieve specific data.

But apparently they were not planning on mating. Instead, Pamela backed away and headed for the door, waving. "See you tonight, honey." Tiok felt cheated.

Then he realized Derek was somehow aware of him.

"Either I'm hallucinating," Derek spoke to the empty room. "Or my imagination is working overtime on a new book, or someone is watching me. Pam's kisses never scared me before, and I sure as hell never felt clinical about our lovemaking! So what's up?"

Tiok was close to panic again. For some reason, he couldn't seem to access key procedural data-nodes and he didn't know what to do. Then he decided. He would contact his host and enlist voluntary help. He prepared to block any nerve impulses that might try to activate Derek's adrenal glands. Somewhere he had prepared for this. The physiology of the alien was clear in his mind. He had some difficulties at first, though. A number of neural paths were blocked. But he soon traced the necessary signal routes. He also prepared to make quick adjustments to the autonomic and parasympathetic nervous systems if it should prove necessary.

Then he was ready and he focused his thoughts on the human.

I am an alien observer sent to study this world, he began. I, and others like me, have been interfaced into the minds of a number of your people for a short time so that we can observe your world without alarming it. We have been studying it for a number of your years, but feel that a more first-hand look is vital to understanding you better--

"So you can invade us?" Panic threatened to flood Derek's mind but Tiok was ready and countered it.

Of course not! Why would we do something that stupid? Then we would have to take care of you. Do you have any idea how much trouble that would be? Tiok asked, trying to ridicule the idea. No, we just want to see if it would be possible to consider establishing some trade connections. Some of your music falls into our auditory ranges and is extremely pleasant. And there is another possible asset you have. Our two races are mentally and emotionally quite similar, despite our physical differences, and if we could make arrangements to interface with suitably compensated volunteers, we could arrange mental excursions of your world. You see, your world's minimal gravity means that you have some absolutely spectacular natural and artificial, settings--

"We're going to be a tourist attraction," Derek burst out laughing. "And maybe an alien tunnel of horrors and roller-coaster rolled into one?" Absolutely horrifying images entered Derek's mind and Tiok fought to keep calm, confused by his host's sudden laughter.

No! We do not find it pleasant to be made ill. Tiok was appalled as he realized that Derek's people paid to be frightened as a form of amusement.

"Sorry," Derek apologized. "But say we let your tourist come sightseeing, what would we get in return?"

There are a number of technical hints we can give you without violating interference directives. He felt a sudden surge of unease, but then ignored it and continued. Certain techniques to help you clean up your environment. Needless to say, radical technological help is proscribed, but there are also cultural exchanges that might be desired. New musical instruments, for example.

"What about alternate sources of power--"

Absolutely not, Tiok cut him off. It would destroy the world economy. To give you an example: we could show you how to build solar cells with far greater efficiency, develop fusion power and how to build batteries that could store a hundred times as much power as your best storage cells. But if we did, transportation and support industries, utility companies and dozens of related businesses would collapse overnight. Hundreds of thousands of people would be thrown out of work and the economies of entire nations would fail. What about nations whose sole source of income are fossil fuel? He saw that Derek understood.

No, he went on. You must develop your own advances gradually and integrate them into your society in your own way. The impacts of externally introduced changes would be devastating. 'But what about the cultural impact of contact?' a nagging thought intruded into Tiok's mind again. And once more, he ignored it. This was too good of an opportunity for study.

Derek was silent and Tiok sensed his host's mind working, too rapidly for him to be able to distinguish individual thoughts. But finally Derek spoke up again. "You're right. I should have been able to guess all that."

Tiok realized the other was a producer of speculative fictional stories. It had not registered before because he had been distracted by Derek's emotions for Pamela. The realization that luck had placed him in the mind of an alien who might accept his presence with minimal fear was reassuring.

"So, my hallucinatory friend," Derek broke into Tiok's thoughts, "what's it like where you come from? And what the hell do you look like? If you're stuck in my mind for a while, I at least want to know who my roommate is!"

Tiok felt a flash of fear as Derek's tried to keep calm. He wondered if he should reveal himself. He couldn't think of a reason not to. After all, if he had revealed his presence, what was the harm of trying to ease the native's fears? His people were certainly harmless and inoffensive-looking.

Our world is large, he began. With a gravity approximately twice that of Earth and with a dense and murky atmosphere. We are four-legged and... He considered how to present his image to an alien and dug through Derek's mind for familiar pictures and concepts to base his description on.

After a while he was satisfied. Picture a baby elephant without a head or tail, he began. Then add a wide mouth -- on its, my, chest. Much closer to the stomach, and no chance of choking. Add two arms with three-fingered hands underneath the mouth, coming up from under the chest. He sensed Derek's confusion and tried to put his host at ease as he added more to the image. And then I start looking strange! Imagine a stubby neck with lung openings at its base. Then add a small football-shaped head with three black eyes; two where my chin would be and a third at the back of my head; I can see all around myself. Finally, on top of my head I have an x-shaped set of feathery fringes. Those are my nose and ears. The head is just for my sensory organs, needless to say. For safety, our brains are inside our bodies.

He firmed up the final image in his mind and rotated it so Derek could get a good look. See? We're harmless. We're vegetarians, and if we would try to visit here without life-support, we would die.

Derek was silent for a long while, digesting Tiok's description.

Tiok sensed rapidly changing thoughts again, too controlled to read clearly, and he got worried. Are you well? he asked.

Derek's mind cleared. "I'm fine. It's just that it hit home that this is for real." Tiok sensed confusion as Derek went on. "But why me? I'm nothing. Why aren't you in the minds of world leaders? Or at least in some company president's head. They're the ones who practically run the world--"

Perhaps, Tiok interrupted. But they are not part of the general population. We wish to learn more about the people. By studying the average person and those who are cast out in some way, we learn more about you. Of course, we are studying those who are in power, too. As I share your mind, all I experience is recorded and will be analyzed on my return. From my data, and those of my fellow observers, we will learn more about you and be better able to figure out how best to contact your world without traumatizing it too much

* * *

"Four points off for contacting the native in direct violation of Policy." Proctor removed her sensor-link helmet briefly.

"Two, the integration sequence was in error." Tiok's sponsor countered. "The parameter mismatch meant he was too disoriented to sense his link to Control. He is still partially impaired and does not have full access to all cleared memory. A full model of his mind would not integrate with the subject's brain."

"Three point deduction, then," Proctor conceded after a moments consideration.

The conversation was not verbal, entirely, nor was it telepathic, entirely. It was a combination evolved over millions of years under forbidding conditions. And the speakers weren't human, exactly, but neither were they alien, entirely.

Derek would have disagreed, having seen Tiok's image.

Proctor looked over at Technician and cleared her lung-tubes. "Withdraw the candidate from the host--"

"Disagree," Sponsor-Gevaj interrupted. "Let the candidate continue for the full period. We have paid for the time and there are only two candidates remaining. Tiok can still rectify the situation."

Proctor was silent for a moment, and then she bowed her heavy fore-legs submissively. "Agreed. But if he fails, he will be barred from reapplying. The expense of sending a ship this far from home is too great to waste on retesting failed candidates."

It was Gevaj's turn to consider. Much was riding on Tiok's performance. If he was accepted to the Tertiary program, it would mean at least a dozen status points for their village. Gevaj was torn. Right now he could cancel and claim technical fault and Tiok could have a new memory crystal made and reapply next term. But it would mean that losing the five personal status points he had wagered on Tiok's performance and a possible temporary loss for the village. Not to mention the expense of an additional testing.

After three sub-units, Gevaj decided. He nodded and replaced his own helmet. "Agreed. Tiok will succeed." Please! Gevaj thought urgently.

Proctor looked over at Technician and flexed her arms after she put her own helmet back on. "Resume session," she commanded tersely.

* * *

Derek was silent, absorbing what he had just learned. Tiok could tell that the native was having difficulty accepting the reality of what was happening. He decided it was time to change the subject -- and satisfy his curiosity about something. Something that was blocked from his probing.

Derek, he began, I was wondering, do you have any... he groped for the right word, children?

Derek seemed confused, and he also sensed growing anger as the human answered: "No, why?"

Because we have studied much of your culture remotely, but we still have only media images of family structures and mating practices to judge your more private lives. This is where we seek more accurate information.

"Well, we don't have any kids. I can't!" Derek answered abruptly. His mind was suddenly closed, strong anger clouding his thoughts.

Tiok was confused. You can't?

"No! I'm impotent," Derek snapped. "Okay?"

I don't understand. He was unable to sense what the native meant.

"You don't know?" Derek wondered. "You're not reading that in my mind?"

No, Tiok answered. I can't read more than surface thoughts, and none at all right now. Derek seemed relieved. But I see this is causing you distress and I will not continue--

"No, I'm sorry," Derek apologized, apparently reconsidering his reaction. "You didn't know. How much do you know about what's wrong with me?"

You have a neurological disorder that prevents neural signals from being properly transmitted, Tiok answered. In your case, the primary problem area lies in your spine and affects mainly the lower half of your body... As Derek calmed down, he was able to tap the surface self-awareness. As that combined with his anatomical briefing on the Earthlings, he suddenly saw what Derek had been driving at. You are unable to mate? he guessed.

"Depends on what you mean by 'mating'," Derek answered. "We make love, but yes, I am impotent. That's why we don't have any kids. And I don't want to adopt! Pam keeps asking me to, but that's the one thing we disagree on. I want my kids. Not some stranger's!"

Tiok was confused again. You mate, but you can't mate... he studied Derek's thoughts gingerly. For the first time, he felt like an intruder. He soon realized what Derek meant. The physiological responses required for impregnation were impaired beyond help. But Derek's mind continued to resist inspection and Tiok was unclear about what the native meant. You say you "make love", but from my data, that involves the very functions you no longer possess. I--

"Just because I can't..." Derek stopped himself from an angry exclamation, and then went on, more calmly. "There is more to making love than those 'physiological responses' you mentioned. There's more than one way to give pleasure and there's nothing wrong with me from the waist up! And the emotional state is a key component." Tiok was unable to distinguish details, but he was beginning to understand. Partially.

But how do you feel pleasure?

"Getting real personal, aren't you?" Derek shot back with a half-laugh. Tiok sensed that anger was slowly giving way to helpless acceptance of the incessant questions. "I get pleasure from giving pleasure, partially. It may be sublimation, to a degree, but it's true. And I have learned to feel more with the rest of me. My hands, my upper body, my face... all of me, is more sensitive than ever. I may not feel much from the waist down, but I have reeducated the rest of me to feel to a degree most people can't imagine. That they don't try to experience because they don't need to. Does that make sense?" Derek asked patiently.

Tiok considered.

I suppose so, he answered after a moment. It is a difficult concept. We feel very little with our external skin. Other than a housing a layer of pain sensors, our outer integument is primarily a protective layer. If our sexual organs would become incapacitated, we would be totally unable to feel pleasure. Of course, a condition such as yours... He stopped. No need to distress Derek with the knowledge that the native's M.S. was easily cured, but that he couldn't do anything about it... that would not be allowed...

Not allowed!

Blocked memories were emerging and he realized this whole conversation was probably proscribed. He was a Culturist who was supposed to observe, not interfere. And he realized something else. He should have had a link to control. He had the sense that he should know more than he did; that somehow he was not totally in command of himself. He tried to initiate a link to the controller that he knew should be in orbit... He was actually in orbit... No! He finally remembered. He was still at home... somewhere. A computer simulation of his mind had been programmed into the survey vessel examining this world and that simulation had been interfaced with Derek's mind in order that the computer on board the orbiting survey ship could record more data about this species.

And he was only supposed to observe; at most, encourage more extended displays of normal activities. He was certainly not supposed to engage in open conversations that revealed as much about his people as he had done. Actual contact was not planned until further in the future when Derek's species had developed more. And contact would have to follow a totally different pattern. These beings were highly sensitive about a strange concept of 'privacy', and using a mind-probe for contact would be considered highly invasive of that privacy. So, other means of contact would have to be sought. He was surprised Derek had been so casual about the whole matter.

"Hey!" Derek cut in. "You still there?"

Yes. I'm sorry. I was distracted. Something I forgot.

"All right!" Derek laughed. "Absentminded aliens. That's encouraging. I think maybe we'll get along--"

Derek? Tiok cut in.

"Yes?"

I'm going to... take care of something and you won't hear from me for a while.

"Taking care of that thing you forgot about?" Derek asked and Tiok sensed barely retrained curiosity.

Exactly. I'll let you know when I am finished. He hated lying.

"Okay." Derek seemed almost relieved. "Give me a buzz. I've got to get washed up and dressed and I'd rather not have an audience, anyway."

As he withdrew his links to Derek's sensory nerves, he considered what to do. He had to undo the damage he had already done; and without endangering his host's mind. For some reason, he was unable to sense or activate his link to the shipboard computer. It had to be there, or "he" wouldn't be there. But he couldn't access it. It was a challenging problem, but after a while, he had an idea of what to do.

Carefully he built up an overlay of memory to be added to Derek's memories of the mental 'alien invasion'. It was a simple and elegant structure of supplemental memories that worked the whole experience into a personal session of day-dreaming and story-plotting. Key elements of memory were buried under so many other casual ideas that they would blur and fade as other more dramatic ideas hopefully captured Derek's attention.

Satisfied, he carefully embarked on the task of weaving-in his constructed imagery and ideas; careful not to let Derek's conscious mind be aware of him. He realized that he would never have been able to accomplish it if it hadn't been for a thorough briefing on the native's physiology and theoretical psychology. But after a timeless period, it was done, and Tiok carefully withdrew all connections to Derek.

Hanging suspended in blackness he began to focus on himself, determined to find his link to control. But he couldn't concentrate. His thoughts kept returning to Derek. He was having a hard time understanding how the native could be so productive and adjusted with the deficits the native was forced to tolerate. He tried to imagine how he himself -- or any of his own race -- would react to those kinds of functional losses. But it was useless.

But it suggested a good lesson in coping skills. He considered the few psychiatric patients who were dysfunctional for assorted reasons. Those who had lost all status anyway and had not been afraid to admit the need for help. What would be the therapeutic value of interfacing such patients with beings such as Derek? A little out of his field, perhaps. But what about starting a whole new branch of study combining Culturism and Psychiatry?

Visions of status points and research-grants teased his mind. Then he felt suddenly light-headed...

...blackness reclaimed him.

* * *

"Success! I demand bonus status points!" Gevaj cried as the link to the surface was cut and the memory crystal containing "Tiok" was withdrawn from the transfer chamber and carefully put aside in a case next to a row of similar crystals. When they got home, the real Tiok would be allowed to access "his" testing.

Gevaj was delighted. "Tiok had no memory of any of the actual situation. And until at the end, he did not even have access to the 'Culturist' simulation overlay that had been partly disrupted by the parameter mismatch. And he was unable to access the up-link to us. But he still deduced his error and rectified it flawlessly--"

"Aided by the occupation of the subject," Proctor huffed and a slight mist rose from her lung-flaps.

"Irrelevant." Gevaj bobbed his rear impatiently. "Tiok's briefing included no discussion on handling integration errors. Complete integration was always assumed. The two accidental occurrences balance. I demand three bonus points."

"One," Proctor offered, knowing full well a compromise of two would be reached.

Both were soon satisfied and Tiok's scores on his entrance examination to Tertiary Alien Cultural Studies were dutifully recorded, and status credit given to Tiok and Gevaj's village.

Proctor reached for a second transfer chamber and withdrew a the memory crystal labelled Sponsor-Gevaj and placed it carefully in a compartment next to Tiok's. Sponsor's body stiffened momentarily and then relaxed in a slightly different posture.

"Gevaj was real insecure," Host-Ptor, formerly Sponsor-Gevaj, commented. "Who is my next mind-guest? I hope he or she is not as point-hungry."

Proctor examined the readout on his terminal. "Sponsor-Abidal. Her village has already sponsored three successful candidates in the last two Classes, so she should be more relaxed."

"I hope so. But I hate hosting a female Sponsor! I get the most peculiar sensations... Well, cancel that. Who is the Candidate?"

"Dreaj," Proctor answered. "Very promising. All honors in her primary and secondary studies."

"And the subject?" Ptor wondered.

"I think we will use a homeless person this time," Proctor responded after a moment. "Candidates this promising need real difficult challenges, I feel. The disorientation should be quite stimulating."

"A homeless person?" Ptor wondered as Proctor pulled out a crystal labelled Sponsor-Abidal.

"Yes. Let me explain..."

* * *

Derek sat staring at the screen of his computer. He was as close to sweating exhaustion as he had been since losing the use of his legs. His fingers, always a little clumsy and stiff because of the M.S., were totally numb and almost unusable. He had been typing the last couple of pages with only two fingers, and much slower than even his usual slow pecking.

The sound of Pam's car in the driveway had snapped his concentration -- for the moment. Pages and pages were still waiting to be written, but he had to stop for now. He swung his wheelchair around and headed out into the hall and towards the opening front door.

"Pam, honey!" he shouted. "C'mere! I've got to show you. I've had this totally wild day and I've put down outlines for four new books! Four!"

Pam came in, a smile spreading on her face as she saw Derek's excitement.

"And there's more." He was suddenly serious. "I've also done some thinking about something else. Something you've been afraid to talk about." Pam dropped her briefcase with a sudden look of hope. "About adopting," he began. It was difficult, but he realized he was finally ready. "I have my children. My contributions to immortality. Two on the shelves already and selling well, and one more almost done. And now, four more starting. So, maybe adopting a child now might not be such a bad idea. I do want to have kids. I've just been... a real shit about how to go about it," he admitted. "This incredible spurt of ideas made me realize I am making my mark."

Pam dropped to her knees by his chair and embraced him, burying her face in his shoulder. "Thank you." The words were a bit muffled, but clear.

He held her tight, eyes burning as tears worked their way down his cheeks. For some reason he felt more complete at that moment than at any other time over the three years they had been married. He would have a family, he realized.

- end -

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