This piece (like a lot of my work), was written while I worked at Graduate Hospital in Philadelphia. Working nights was great as I always had my laptop with me, and between 1 a.m. and 5 a.m. it was quiet, except for periodic cardiac arrests and Emergency Room Trauma Alerts (we were located right between the ritzy Rittenhouse Square area and the low-income South Philly). Over my 27 years there, until they closed in 2007, I became friends with and learned a lot from our nurses and doctors. And learned more as two of the nurses became girl-friends. This piece about organ transplants grew out of an article I read about some illegal organs from Chinese political prisoners….

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Reciprocal Measure

by

 

F. Alexander Brejcha

©2006

 

 

 

 

"...and what about Dr. Desmond's white count and hemoglobin?" Doctor Bryce asked my surgical intern, winking at me because he knew me well enough to suspect that I had checked it already.

Sanderson didn't notice, and she squinted at my chart a moment before looking up at him with a satisfied nod:  "Her values are normal at seven thousand and thirteen."  Then she slid the heavy folder back to Dave so he could countersign it.  Print-outs from well over a week of critical lab tests and exams, as well as doctors' and nurses' notes, strained the blue binder on my wheeled bedside table to the bursting point and he closed it with a dramatic thud after scribbling a stereotypically incomprehensible signature next to his last orders.

Then he bent down to give me a very unprofessional -- and very welcome -- kiss on the cheek.  His brown eyes smiled warmly along with his mouth as he squeezed my hand.


         "I'll stop by around dinner-time, Selena.  After I finish surgery and rounds.  And I promise to bring you something utterly sinful for dessert that dietary would never provide you with so soon after surgery."

"Something chocolate," I prompted hopefully.

"One of the main food groups.  You got it."  He grinned and ignored Sanderson's frown.  "Relax, she's doing fine!  Keeping up our patients' spirits is part of the job.  And my definite pleasure," he reassured me.

Sanderson shook her head as Bryce breezed out with a wave.  Then she sighed and turned to me with a practiced 'woman-to-woman' smile that wavered a bit in embarrassment since she was an intern and even though I was her patient at the moment, I was a fourth year resident and technically her senior.

"I see you have him well trained," she observed.

"Well, even if we rarely see each other since I'm in medicine, I've known him for over a year."  I glanced down at my I.V.-laden arm and surgical dressings and chuckled.  "And considering he sliced me open to replace my heart, he's seen me at my worst.  And I'm still no prize!  If that doesn't deter him, I think I owe him some consideration.  But give me the full report... what I haven't figured out already."


"Well, he was right.  You're doing fine, and we'll move you to step-down tomorrow.  The transplant went well of course, but as we had discussed, we have to keep a careful eye on you since rejection is always a potential problem, even with the Zenapax trial your dad pushed through to supplement the regular anti-rejection protocol.  Of course, it helps that the heart we obtained was a perfect match ‑‑"

"Obtained from where?" I asked feeling suddenly uneasy as I saw the way her eyes skipped away from me.

"It was from an overseas donor," she answered quickly abruptly glancing at her watch.  "Oh, it's getting late.  I have to finish my rounds.  I'll see you this afternoon."

Then she fled.  It was the only way I could characterize her hurried departure as she left me alone in the monitor-filled intensive care room.  I looked around helplessly, angry about being tied down like this.  On the other hand, I was lucky to be alive.

Cold and flu-like symptoms weeks earlier had escalated rapidly to major shortness of breath, chest and shoulder pain, and I had not liked the friction rub sounds I had heard when applying my stethoscope to myself.  Developing fevers and other problems had finally landed me in the hospital as a patient, where T-waves on my EKG and other test results had confirmed my worried self-diagnosis of a viral myocarditis.

Treatments had not helped and my worsening condition had finally led to the only decision possible:  I needed a heart transplant.


Given that I was the rarest blood type of A/B Negative and a difficult tissue match -- and considering the size of the waiting list for heart donors -- I had been amazed by the fact that a compatible organ had been found in a matter of days.  Even considering who my father was, I had resigned myself to death.  There should not have been any chance of finding a compatible heart in time.

 Having a father who was the C.E.O. of the hospital system had led to perks not usually given to the average patient, but at first I had been secretly -- and perversely -- pleased to see him helpless to do anything for me, given how he was always the "man in charge".

All my life he had been frustrating me by always pushing, directing, and helping me whether I wanted it or not.  First he had sent me to the right prep school, and to a top pre-med program followed by an easy admission to a top medical school.  A good internship and residency program had been a natural after that.  But it had been aggravating because as much as I knew I had advanced on my own merit, he had always been there behind the scenes to ease my way -- starting after my mother had died the day before my twelfth birthday.  Killed in a traffic accident during a snow storm.

It had made my life a living hell because I had always been forced to work twice as hard as everyone else to prove to my peers that I was capable on my own -- not just because my father was helping me.

And then I had thought that my all-powerful father was finally as helpless as any other man with a sick offspring.

But I should have known better, because somehow he had tracked down a compatible heart in record time.


Fighting waves of dizziness and nausea, I levered myself up to try to reach the rolling table with my chart so teasingly nearby.  Even if everything in there was on the hospital computer system, the anachronistic paper counterparts refused to die -- which was fortunate since even though I had a password, I would never have been able to get to the terminal in the corner.  But finally I managed to snag an edge of the table to pull it closer, until a momentary spasm of coughing shook me and I had to lie back gasping for several minutes.

The breathing tube had been removed the morning after surgery -- four days earlier --  but I still had vague memories of its cold and choking presence in my throat.  For a seeming eternity I just lay there, every sound in the room seemingly amplified:  the regular and mechanical susurration of the I.V. machine; the protesting warning beeps of the monitors tracking my heightened pulse and pressure as I strained myself; and the constant low conversation from the nursing desk out in the pod -- punctuated by a low laugh from one of the nurses as someone strayed from the subject of their normal concern.  All sounds I had become so accustomed to that I didn't even hear them anymore -- except for times like this when I was unable to think of anything else but my status as a patient.

I was so sick of it!


Then the choking sensation passed and I used the bed control to elevate the head of my bed a bit more so I could reach the chart itself and slide it into my lap and flip it open.  Wincing from the effort of moving the heavy folder, I leafed through it scanning for notes about the heart, until I found the familiar crisp and clean hand-writing of Dr. Harold Desmond -- my father ‑‑ that directed all inquiries regarding the donor to his office.

A sick twisting stirred in my stomach.  Where had he gotten my new heart?

"Are you all right?"  My nurse-de-jour, Ellen, poked her head in the open door, alerted by the remote monitors at the unit desk.  Scanning my room monitors alertly, she finally nodded as she saw my EKG resume a more normal sinus rhythm again as I relaxed.  An automatic look of annoyance crossed her face when she saw the open chart in my lap, but remembering that I was not only a doctor but one of the senior house staff, she withdrew after a reassuring: "Just buzz if you need anything".

Feeling a brief moment of normalcy, I kept flipping through the chart as if it was one of my own patients', and I felt better and better.  Everything pointed to a textbook recovery.  In fact, if I had not been who I was, I would already have been transferred to a stepdown room to free the ICU bed for someone who needed it more.  But for once, I had to admit, I was happy about the preferential treatment.

But the haunting question kept echoing in my mind:  where had my heart come from?

                                                    * * *


Ten days later I was sitting in a wheelchair impatiently waiting for the escort to wheel me downstairs.  Because of my excellent recovery, I should have been discharged days earlier, but thanks to my father I had been given more time -- and I was more than ready to leave.  I had had enough of the hospital and I wanted to go home.  Only Dave Bryce's solicitous attention had made it tolerable.

For my final dinner at the hospital he had even arranged to take off work and have a catered meal brought in from New York's newest and trendiest four star restaurant.  I had nearly drooled as the cover had come off the broiled swordfish seasoned with a delicious herbal sauce and accompanied by steamed herb-spiced vegetables.  And a small portion of a scrumptious chocolate mousse not really recommended for a post-op heart patient had completed the perfect meal that had been washed down with lemon-decorated Perrier, and prefaced by a delightful salad.  I didn't even want to think about what that whole extravagance must have cost him, even if he was the brightest rising star in the hospital's elite transplant team.

But it had been just what I needed.


I had felt nearly normal for the first time in weeks as I had been able to get properly cleaned up and get my hair done by an outside company who took care of inpatients, and I had even applied some make-up for the first time since my admission.  Just his wide-eyed reaction when he had seen me would have made my day, but then the dinner had arrived and he had chased everyone out and shut the door of the private room I had been moved to.  With the lights turned down and the door closed, we had been left to enjoy a truly wonderful and private meal, complete with a linen table cloth, china, and crystal wine glasses -- and a smuggled-in candle placed near an open window to fool the smoke detectors.

He had been a soul of propriety all through our delightful meal; only the promising heat of his kiss as he had said good night hinting of what might follow in the future.

But all too soon the door had been opened again, and the evidence of our meal was removed to leave me getting ready for bed to the accompaniment of beepers and hallway chatter -- a rude reminder of just where I was.

And I could no longer escape the other reason I wanted to get away.  The heaviness I felt in my chest was not solely a clinical symptom, but rather a reaction to what I had been able to find out about the origins of my heart.  Dave had been in the operating room, but on approaching the intern, Sanderson had glanced around and then told me that her sister worked at my father's office and had heard about my father secretely bringing in a heart for me.  Dave didn't even know.

Then I had called my father's personal assistant, and after some pressuring, he had told me whose heart I now carried:  that of a Chinese political prisoner who had been executed for "sedition and actions against the state" -- which might have meant hacking an unrestricted Internet account for all I knew.


As my father had multiple business dealings with China and good connections at the State Department, he had managed to get access to organs harvested by the Chinese.  Testing had found a compatible heart and then a two-stage supersonic flight with a refrigerated carrier, first across the Pacific to California and then on to New York, had provided me with a heart.  He had not wanted to stress me by flying me to China.

But I was sick over more than having been given the heart of a political prisoner executed under an unjust legal system; I was increasingly wondering about the coincidence of one of the executed prisoners having perfectly fit my exact needs at such a propitious time.  I wanted to find out more.

"Hey, Precious!"  A sudden deep bass greeting startled me as I heard the voice of one of the few people from whom I tolerated the intimacy:  Robert -- my father's chauffeur.  Close to sixty, he had been at the wheel for my father since I had been a little girl.  His formerly red hair had long since turned silver, but his body was still trim and his reactions were as sharp as the day he had taken the job, and he kept postponing his retirement with a cavalier "when I can't do it anymore".  I was always happy to see him, even if I didn't know for sure why he kept a menial job when I knew for a fact that he was an astute market speculator with an accumulated stock portfolio worth well into seven digits.  My suspicion was that he was more than just a chauffeur to my father.


But as he reached me, I forgot all that when he bent to gather me up -- a bit more gingerly than usual -- in his typical encompassing hug that always did more to reassure me than anything.  I twisted to kiss his smooth cheek and get a whiff of his trademark Tuscany aftershave.

"Relax Rob, I'm fine.  But I missed you!"

"And me you, Precious."  He released me carefully.  "Let's get you out of here.  Your condo is just going to have to stay empty a while longer, because your daddy had one of the guest rooms on the first floor of the house made up for you so you won't have to climb any stairs for a while..."  He stopped and cocked his head to study my face.  "What's wrong?"  He knew me better than my father.  "That's not just a 'I'm hurting after surgery look'."

"In the car."  I shivered.  Suddenly the sterile rooms and hallways of the hospital gave me the creeps.

In the car a few minutes later I leaned back and took a deep breath of the leather scent of the upholstery cradling me in sinful comfort.  Finally I felt free!  I glanced over at Robert sitting behind the wheel and I smiled at his rueful look.

"You never did like to sit in the back," he teased.

"Uh uh.  I feel guilty enough about getting picked up in a Mercedes stretch limo.  At least riding here I get to be close to you.  I would need an intercom to talk to you if I sat back there."


Robert grinned and pointed wordlessly to a small microphone and speaker on the dash.  Then he turned serious.

"All right.  Spill it.  What's wrong?"

I explained and saw his face darken into a glower and his jaw tighten.

"Have you talked to your father about it?"  I shook my head and he sighed.  "Do it, Precious.  And remember that he loves you.  He may have an awkward way of showing it, but you wouldn't believe how proud of you he is.  He would do anything for you ‑‑"

"-- that's what I'm afraid of!"

That was a conversation-stopper, and the rest of the ride was passed in awkward silence as we threaded our way through traffic on the Long Island expressway.

                                                    * * *

The tall man waiting at the top of the stairs could have stepped right out of a GQ magazine advertisement.  Artificially tanned, clean-shaven and impeccably groomed, he stood six foot one (even if I knew there were lifts in his shoes) and he wore his perfectly coiffed silver hair as a crown; and his Rolex watch, custom-tailored suit and hand-made shoes as his crown jewels and robes.  He was "corporate president" and "stinking-rich middle age male perfection" personified.

Unfortunately, he was about as emotionally accessible as the symbols he resembled.


"Selena!"  My father -- he had never been 'daddy' or even 'dad' -- called as he waited regally for me.  Heaven forbid he should run down the stairs to greet his daughter or help her out of the car.  That's what he had Robert for.  But his tone was admittedly warmer and more concerned than his usual boardroom propriety allowed.

Fortunately Robert's steadying arm added support as I climbed up towards him, feeling like I was being granted an audience.  I couldn't believe how quickly I was tiring.  Robert saw it though, and he handed me over a bit pointedly to my father and ran back to the car to unload the wheelchair and bring it up to me.

Sinking gratefully into the vinyl cradle, I looked up at my father, hoping against all reasonable expectations for some visible show of real affection or concern.  But of course I got nothing.

"I've been logging onto the hospital computer and I've been very happy to see how well everything went," was the extent of his brisk greeting.  "Welcome home.  Theresa made up a room for you, and it's wired in case you want to catch up on your e-mail.  I'm afraid I have to run. I have a meeting in Manhattan in a couple of hours and I have to prepare."  Amazingly, he then actually bent down to give me a quick kiss on the forehead.

"And if there is anything at all you want or need, Theresa will get it for you."  He turned to Robert.  "I'll take the helicopter myself.  Stay here just in case."


Then he was gone and I soon heard a familiar whining roar from the heli-pad on the back lawn.  This was one task he usually reserved for himself, even though Robert was a pilot and often flew the chopper if my father had guests to entertain.

Robert shrugged.  "Well, Precious.  I've got my beeper just in case, but it looks like I have some time off.  Is there anything I can do for you?"

"No."  I grinned as I saw Theresa's matronly bulk materialize in the doorway.  "Terry wants to do some mothering, so go, get into your grubbies and keep working.  But you better let me have the first ride," I warned him.  Robert's hobby was the loving restoration of a 1936 Stutz Bearcat, for which he was painstakingly tracking down parts or machining replacement ones that were precisely true to factory specs.

"Cross my heart!"  He promised as he gave me a quick hug and then disappeared to leave me wrapped up in Theresa's softer and wider embrace.

"So I finally get you back again ‑‑"

"For a little while," I warned.

"A few hours, a few days, whatever.  I'm just so glad you're here."  She smiled.  "I'll take what I can get.  I missed you.  The house hasn't been the same since you left.  Without you or your mother, there's no love here ‑‑"


"Oh?" I teased, glancing towards the garage, laughing as she blushed.  "Is he ever going to make an honest woman out of you, or are you going to," I lowered my voice ominously and tried to keep from laughing, "keep living in sin."

Theresa just blushed harder and dramatically raised her left hand to reveal a gorgeously set diamond gracing her finger.  "I will sin no more forever... well, maybe some, until next week.  We wanted to wait till you were feeling a bit better."

"It's about time!  Congratulations!"  My turn to do the hugging as I tried -- and failed -- to keep from crying.  Theresa had been as important to me as my mother and Robert more paternal than my father while I was growing up.  Robert had been married then, but he had lost his wife to a drunk driver in '92.  It had taken years for him to get over it, but finally he had been ready to accept Theresa's growing feelings for him, and return them.  Their constant loving presence had been the only thing that had kept me coming back regularly to visit my father.

She grabbed the handles of my wheelchair.   "But let's get you settled.  I already put your bags away, and you may want to prepare yourself.  There's a young man coming to visit you...  And why haven't you told me?" she teased as I looked up over my shoulder.

"Dave Bryce?"

"Dr. David Bryce," Theresa corrected with a determined nod.  "Such a handsome man.  Just right for a pretty little thing like you.  Maybe you can open a practice together?"


I felt my face burn as she pushed me over the threshold into the main hall of the house.  "He's a surgeon, Theresa, and I'm in internal medicine.  Don't go marrying me off just yet.  Right now he's just my doctor..."  I saw her dubious expression and corrected myself.  "All right, maybe there might be more there.  We had a wonderful dinner last night..."  I described it, blushing again as she rolled her eyes.  "...it was quite something," I admitted.  "But don't rush me.  I'm not making any plans just yet."

"Well, he's not leaving without a good meal," Theresa warned resolutely.  "He'll be here at six, and I will have dinner ready for you.  Your father is staying overnight in town," she frowned, "and Rob and I will eat later so you two can have some time to yourselves."

"Six?"  I glanced at my watch and then in the mirror as I was rolled into in the guest room.  I got up, feeling silly about having stayed in the chair.

"Yes, you've got plenty of time to get ready.  It's only eleven," Theresa reassured me with a knowing smile.

"Well, I've got some other stuff to take care of too."  I had just spotted the computer in the corner.  My father had been true to his word when he said my room had been wired.  Not only was it complete with a phone connection and a printer, but it was my very own computer and desk from my condo.  I recognized the adhesive stickers pasted on in strategic places on the desk, keyboard, monitor and CPU with scribbled mnemonic shorthand reminders to some of my software commands.


"Are you okay?"  Theresa suddenly looked concerned and I forced myself to smile, not wanting to go through everything again.

"I'm fine.  Just distracted.  I have to catch up on my e-mail and do some quick research on something."  I squeezed her arm.  "Really.  I'm fine.  And the quicker I get this done, the quicker I can get ready for one of your home-cooked meals!"

"What they'll let me prepare!" she huffed.  "Those dietary guidelines they sent home with you to follow for a while are horrendous!  I'm not allowed to ‑‑"

I laughed.  "I have faith in you.  You'll manage something delectable even with the restrictions."

"Hmph!  Well, I'll try.  And I'll bring you some lunch in a while."  With a last hug she was on her way, muttering about impossible limitations on her cooking.


As soon as she was gone, I settled down at the computer and booted up with a sense of relief.  I had to give my father credit.  He had known I would be much more comfortable with my own familiar computer -- I didn't want to think about how he had gotten it out from my locked, security company-protected condo.  Compared to getting my new heart, it had to have been child's play.  But with some help from some online sources, maybe I could get a little closer to the origins of that organ.  I felt that tightness in my chest again and considered the way I was thinking of the heart in a third person way, as if it was still in someone else's body or in a cooler jetting its way across an ocean and a continent.

It had taken all day, and as I logged off and flexed my stiff hands I glanced at the time and realized it was already past five.  But the discomfort in my hands was nothing compared to the near nausea I was feeling from what I had uncovered.

As I had started digging into organs from Chinese political prisoners, the first thing I had found was the transcript of a 1997 Prime Time Live Show on ABC.  It had estimated that over 10,000 kidneys from political prisoners had been sold on the black market, potentially yielding tens of millions of dollars to the Chinese military.  I had been chilled to read how prisoners had been prepared for organ extraction by administering anti-coagulants and muscle relaxants -- before they were precisely executed by a gun shot to the base of the skull.  And these organs had been openly offered for sale in a Chinese language newspaper in New York.  For a down payment of $5,000 and a total cost of $35,000 in cash, anyone could have a new kidney that was matched for tissue and blood type.

It wasn't hard to accept that there was a traffic in more than kidneys.


Further exploration had led me to off-shore web sites, some cryptic and odd, some not, that offered a variety of organs on demand.  "Need a liver, a kidney -- or a heart?  We've got them!"  On and on I had read mysterious and not-so-mysterious offers, growing more ill by the moment.

That many of these offers were brazen and open was shocking enough, but what had really surprised me was the familiar name of one of the companies offering organs:  Tangerine Orchids.

Tangerine Orchids was the name of a company my father had planned on paper for my mother to market her exotic flower arrangements long before he had hit the big time -- when I was still a little girl -- but then my mother had been killed and the company stillborn.

The coincidence was too much, and I had gone on with my search of the web to track down information on Tangerine Orchids.  It had taken a while, but gradually I had uncovered a tangled maze of holding companies that led -- finally -- to an import/export company I knew my father owned:  one that imported a whole range of out-sourced medical supplies such as incontinence and ostomy kits from China.  To add a touch of irony, the company provided humanitarian relief by delivering needed supplies to be distributed to disadvantaged provinces.  And further digging had uncovered that the company owned a converted supersonic Concorde airplane.  Hardly a practical plane to transport relief goods and boxes of rubber and plastic supplies packaged to last for years.

But a plane like that would be ideal to transport sensitive organs that had to be transplanted as quickly as possible!


I had kept digging after that -- grateful to an ex-classmate who had shown me some hacking tricks I thought I had forgotten -- until I had needed them and they started coming back.  I also still had a file on my drive with various bypass numbers leading right into assorted interesting mainframes, along with back-door passwords he had hacked out -- including for the FAA and various air traffic control computers.

With all that, it had not taken long to find out that Tangerine Orchid's supersonic plane made an average of a flight a week!

I had logged off at that point and made a stumbling run for the bathroom to throw up the delicious lunch Theresa had made me several hours earlier, clucking and chiding me for not resting.

I didn't have to be paranoid to figure out what else my father was importing so regularly among the "medical supplies".  This was not just a "concerned father's last-ditch effort to save his daughter", but a regular thriving business of bringing in organs for transplant.  Unlike the operation the television show had exposed, he had done them one better by bringing the organs home and eliminating the need for transplant recipients to travel to China -- and he had probably expanded his business considerably beyond kidneys.  My own new heart had probably just been one of many organs brought over for well-heeled customers looking for replacements without going on a waiting list.

"Honey!  You aren't ready!"  Theresa stood in the doorway shaking her head. "He's here!"


"I'll be there in a minute," I promised as I sat numbly, still tasting the sourness in my mouth from before that persisted despite judicious gargling.

For a moment longer, I stared at the long e-mail message I had composed until with a determined stab I finally clicked "send" and then shut down the computer.  And with a reluctant sigh, I hit the bathroom again and brushed my teeth so briskly that I almost thought I'd draw blood, after which I inspected myself critically.  There wasn't time to shower and change clothes, but I scrubbed my face and did a hasty fresh make-up job and brushed out my hair before deciding that Dave had seen me look a hell of a lot worse and it was time to face him.  I wanted to tell him about my discovery.

As I entered the living room a bit nervously I found myself walking in on an uncomfortable tableaux.  Robert and Dave were facing each other tensely, and Theresa stood in the background with a deliciously steaming casserole dish in her hands and a confused look on her face.  Robert looked close to slugging Dave, and Dave... I wasn't sure what I saw on his face; other than a trace of understandable fear and some surprise.


Then all at once I remembered Theresa's admiring comment earlier when she had told me Dave was coming to dinner:  "Such a handsome man."  How could she have known what he looked like unless he had been here before visiting my father -- and why would Robert be so hostile if Dave's visits had just been casual or professional ones.

I swallowed as I felt my hands clench tightly.  "Dave."  Everyone froze and turned to me as I asked:  "Been to Kennedy to pick up any imports from China lately?"

Theresa's confusion was unchanged as she put down the casserole dish uncertainly, but the tightening of Robert's jaw and Dave's surprised expression were all the confirmation I needed.  I tried not to collapse as I stepped stiffly into the room to drop into one of the antique dining room chairs.

"How long?" I asked, closing my eyes a moment.  "How long have you been working with my father to transplant black market organs?"  I speared Dave with my eyes.

"Two years," he answered casually.  "But don't make it sound so... illicit ‑‑"

"Try illegal!" I snapped.  "And immoral!"  I thought again about the one suspicion I would never be able to prove:  that my father had paid to hand-pick a prisoner for execution based more on his blood and tissue compatibility than his crime.  It was an especially repulsive thought, given that many of these "criminals" were hardly guilty of capital crimes by our standards.

Dave still looked surprised over my reaction.  "It saved your life, you know.  All organs we bring in are from legally convicted and executed..."  He stopped as I snorted.


"Yeah, right.  Legally."  I didn't know whether to slap him or make another run for the bathroom.  But I couldn't do either.

"Do me a favor Dave, just leave."  I stopped him as he started to protest.  "Just leave."  I looked down as I remembered our dinner in my room at the hospital and I felt my eyes burning.  I had wanted him so badly at that moment -- and ever since -- but now the thought of him even touching me made me sick!  The swirling patterns of the brown and red oriental dining room rug blurred as I sat there gripping the sides of the chair with an iron grip that threatened to emboss the patterns of the carved chair in the flesh of my palms.

Finally I heard his reluctant leather-shod steps on the tiled hallway floor as he headed for the door, escorted by the unmistakable squeak of Robert's sneakers.  Then a warm Tea Rose-scented embrace enveloped me.

"I'm sorry, baby," Theresa murmured.  "I had no idea!"

The sound of the door freed me to look up, to see Robert approach stiffly.  After a long silence he sighed.

"Yes, I knew," he confirmed.  The question had obviously been plain on my face.  "I research deaths and arrange for some paper-work to change to make decedents appear to have been donors -- on paper.  No one ever knows, and lives are saved every day by our work ‑‑"

"-- and do you know where those organs come from?" I interrupted angrily, forced to bend my head way back as I got up to grab his shirt and confront him.


"Like Dave said, they come from prisoners legally executed by another ‑‑"

"Bullshit!"  I pushed away, unable to speak for a minute.  "Some of them are as good as murdered."

"You're over-reacting, Precious.  I'm sorry you feel this way.  Personally, I just thank God you're alive.  If not for your father, you'd be dead now ‑‑"

"And if not for my father, someone in China might be alive now!"  But suddenly I was wondering if I was as angry as I was because of how my heart had been obtained -- or out of guilt because secretly I was glad I had been given my chance to live.

I moved closer to Robert and took his hand.  "Rob, listen to me.  Maybe you don't know it all..."

I pulled him over to sit next to Theresa, and then I explained everything I had found out during my web-surfing afternoon, happy to see Theresa blanching.  Even Robert looked a little uncomfortable.

He was just about to say something when the harsh ringing of the phone slashed through the air.  We all jumped, and Theresa got up stiffly to answer, her eyes growing wide as she listened.

"It's the F.B.I.," she said, turning to me in surprise, "and they want to talk to you."  She put the call on hold.


Suddenly I remembered the last, betraying, e-mail I had composed in the heat of discovery and sent to the F.B.I. before I had shut off my computer.  In it I had detailed my suspicions, along with the corroborating information I had gathered during my research.  In particular, I had listed the scheduled Tangerine Orchid flight which was due to arrive at Kennedy soon -- no doubt the reason for my father's overnight "business" trip.

I wasn't sure I had sent it to the right people and I had doubted that they would get to this week's flight, but I had been sure that soon enough they would intercept a Tangerine Orchid flight and find a nicely hidden -- and illegal -- cargo of human organs, and the specially equipped "delivery trucks" no doubt waiting to move the cargo on to various hospitals my father's health care system controlled.

But I had not expected such a quick response!

And as Robert looked tensely from the blinking hold light on the phone to me I felt ill again.  I had been so caught up in the outrage over what my father was doing, that I had totally lost sight of what punishing him would do to my friends.  And I had forgotten my suspicions that Robert was more than a chauffeur.

But after a long tense silence, he leaned over to kiss Theresa mechanically.  "Something tells me we're about to become unemployed."  He glanced at his watch and then shrugged resignedly.  "And in my case, possibly worse.  You told them, I presume?" he asked me with a reluctant glance at the phone.  I nodded, unable to speak.  "Well," he shrugged, "I knew the ride would end sometime.  That's why I've been playing the market."

"Rob," I managed to get out as I reached for him uncertainly.  "I didn't mean ‑‑"


"Don't!" he stopped me, drawing away.  "What you did, you had to."  He shook his head ruefully.  "To borrow an expression from my late mother:  'I'm 21 and vaccinated'.  I knew what we were doing wasn't entirely legal, but I owe your father everything."  He sighed.  "Take the call."

Theresa reached up to hug him.  "We'll get through this, honey."  Then she let go of Robert and handed me the phone, squeezing my hand.  "We love you, sweetie."

But looking at Robert as he pulled a small cell phone out of his pocket and left the room, I knew I had lost him.  Theresa would always love me like her own, I had no doubt of that, but there would be no more "Precious" from Robert.

I wanted to rush to him and have him hug me like before, but there was a distance between us now I was afraid would never be bridged.  With a hollow feeling in my stomach, I took the phone reluctantly, conflicting feelings swirling in me.  Still, as I spoke to the F.B.I. agent on the other end, the pain in my chest that had become a constant companion eased, and for the first time in days, I felt at peace with my new heart.

                                                  - end -