One day while I was marking a new calendar with my family's birthdays, I started considering the years that we were born. They are 1946, 1950, 1952, 1954, 1955, 1957, 1959. Now as I looked at those years, I noticed that they were almost just about 2 years apart all they way through, with the exception of the first two. Now when you're a child, everything that happened before you were born were stories that really didn't matter, but as and adult (though several people have serious doubts about me ever making it mentally to that point) it seemed to me that 1948 is missing. So after putting together all of the stories and all of the things I knew to have happened, and the things that Dee did to Ellie and I, I realized that something had to have happened to keep her from actually doing serious harm to us when we were little. Then one day, I realized what it was. There WAS a sibling born in 1948 and Dee probably didn't warn him/her about the dangers of getting our heads stuck in the railing on the 3rd floor of the house on Cumberland Street, or of the dangers of getting too close to the edge of the roof while getting her some stones to throw out the front windows at people. Then I started thinking about the stories that Mom told me when I was little, Peter Rabbit, Peter and the Wolf, and the TV shows she liked, Peter Gunn, Columbo (with Peter Falk) and I realized that it must be because that was my older brother's name. Now my whole life, I've always thought I had an older brother, I've even adopted the Dale and Preston boys to be my older brothers, but something was missing. The really amazing thing about the whole story is that when I approached my Mother and Dee about Peter, neither of them actually denied it (they said it was because they were laughing too hard, but I think it was because it was true). I think Ellie might have remembered a little bit about him when she was little because now, every time I mention Peter to Ellie, she just replies "Poor Peter".
Now all of this on it's own, may not seem like proof, but after remembering the frame up Ellie and I received at the hands of Dee and the fact that Mom and Dee shared our desserts, I think there might have been a cover-up about the "Great Peter Incident". Add that into the fact that Mom always worried about Bob and I not carrying on the family name by doing something incredibly stupid (see the "Great Rocket Experiment", "The Destruction of Dee's Fleet", "The Fermenting of Apple Cider Experiment", "The Escape from the Second Floor", "The Trevose Train Station and the Railroad Cop", "The 70's, Can Motorcycles really fly?" and more coming to a theater near you) that I figure that she is hiding something.
So, I became the oldest son by default, but next time Dee asks you to do something, remember her history.
(The facts in this story are either true or not. The producer of this story is just trying to give an alternate meaning to reality)