Work is the same everywhere in the World. If
you work 9-5 then you expect to leave at 5:00, you don't want to stay any later. Well I
work 8-7 and 11 hours is a long day, so the last thing I want to do is work past 7:00.
This week while on patrol I get a call at 6:33 about a guy pissing on the side of a
building. I immediately start thinking how am I going to get out of writing a report for
this and even worse I might have to arrest the guy for disorderly conduct, which would
take a least another hour to do. I show-up on the scene and it's this black guy who is
always drunk, he's 40 yrs old , lives w/ his parents, unemployed and I think he's got the
HIV. As I walk up to him I see that he has white stuff on him from head-to-toe, I asked
him what's up, he tells me that he has poison ivy and that he was waiting for his dad to
pick him up. He's drunk like usual and at this point the last thing I want to do is touch
him. His dad shows up and I have them wait as I go talk to the caller. Now here's where my
years of experience and bull shitting ability comes to play, I immediately apologize and
state that the guy is a drunk who was in a car accident about 10 years ago and he is
retarded( a total lie). I further explain that he is like a 5- year-old and he doesn't
know what he is doing, also the fact that he has the HIV and that his dad is sorry and is
ready to take him home. I asked them if they want a report taken ( just to cover my ass ),
but tell them that it's not going anywhere and that I think the guy is related to an
ex-cop ( another lie ). They answer with NO and thank me for helping them. I call
headquarters and explain the situation and they're happy as hell b/c now they didn't have
to put up with him. Everyone is happy and more importantly I was done the call by 6:55 and
left on time. People should think before they call the police, a lot of things I get
called for can be handled without police intervention, but people are funny. Cops are
characterized as FAT DOUGHNUT EATING IDIOTS, but who do all these rich, highly educated
people call when they have BIG problems that they can't take care of themselves THE
POLICE. Mostly every job, relationship or problem in your life comes down to one thing
COMMUNICATION. If you can talk to people you can do ANYTHING in this world. People who
read this story might think I blew this call off b/c I wanted to go home on time, but who
in the story wasn't completely satisfied after I got done TALKING to them, the caller, my
boss, and especially the pisser and his father. By the way I'm a College Grad and I would
never call the police ever.
written by: Bob Riley
( straw's criminal justice
correspondent )
If you feel the need to comment on Bob's
experiences email him at: BobKristine@webtv.net
